Depths of Despair

Update: I posted this originally in 2014. And having reread it in 2024, 10 years later, I actually agree with what I said. HOWEVER; looking upon it with older, and hopefully wiser, eyes lead me to see that it is woefully lacking in some very important context and depth that really informs this issue. I do plan to add at least second post to this - turning it into a series - in the future.


Despair is an interesting topic in the church. We often face the idea of the sin of despair in the context of the Catholic church, but I don't know that I have ever heard a Protestant church talk about it, and I have been to services in quite a few denominations. That said, maybe they do and I just missed the memo. And if so, then I won't be raising an issue in a vacuum. But if I am, and the Protestants among you are only vaguely familiar with the idea of despair as a sin, I am going to provide some background. There are three main points I want to make about despair. 

First, Psalm 130:1-3 (NRSV) says "from the depths of despair O Lord I call for your help, hear my cry O Lord, pay attention to my prayer!" Here we learn that despair is something from which David begged the Lord to free him. We already knew that despair is negative, but David was a man after God's own heart. If David desired to be free from despair and felt certain God would help him in that, it is safe to assume that despair is something of which God does not approve. 

The second thing that is easy to learn about despair, is that despair is not an emotion. I recently started thinking about love. The other words we describe as “emotions” work like this: "I am happy, I am sad," but unless you are God you cannot say "I am love." (And even then I think he meant it a little more literally.) You say "I love you." This means love is an ACTION, a choice, love is work, and it's our job. You cannot say "I happy you," or "I sad him." These emotions are not actions. You can say "I am in love," but you can't say "I am love," or "I am in happy." Despair is the same way. You can despair, you can be in despair. Despair is an action, work, a choice, just like love is. Therefore despair (barring some medical conditions which involve chemical imbalances in the brain, which I cannot go into right now) is something we can control. And therefore it is something we are called to avoid, just as love is something we are called to do.

Thirdly, we look to Psalm 35:11-12 (NLT) which says "Malicious witnesses testify against me; they accuse me of crimes I know nothing about, they repay evil for good, I am sick with despair." Now we know that despair is a sickness. The Bible also compares sin to a sickness, and despair is sickness. Sicknesses eat away at you, they cause other parts of your life to decline. Sin causes your relationship with Christ to decline. I think it’s reasonable to postulate that despair is a sin. But even if you feel that is a stretch - it does hold that it is something which is not of God, as evidenced by the previous passages. 

So we learned that despair is a trap which captures us, and despair is a sin. We learn that despair is a sickness which separates us from God, and we also learn that despair (aside from the aforementioned exceptions) a choice.

Everybody with me?

How to know if you suffer from despair:

• Do you find even small things going wrong can fill you with feelings of hopelessness?
• Do you feel uninspired; and avoid doing tasks, even those you enjoy; because they seem like too much effort?
• Do you seek easier tasks to help you feel fulfilled or happy, such as spending a great deal of time watching TV or playing with applications on your phone?
• Does it seem to take you far longer to complete basic tasks, even those you do often, than it once did?
• Do you regularly experience a lack of motivation?
• Is it unnaturally difficult to even get out of bed?
• Has your appetite experienced a dramatic change such as seeking snacks regularly to cheer you up, feeling incessantly hungry, or having no appetite?
• Have you spent far more time alone at home than you usually do?
• Has your mood experienced a dramatic alteration from what it used to be like? Are you irritable, sad, angry, or cranky? Do you experience waves of rage?
• Most importantly, have you fairly recently had a major life event which resulted in negative emotions, such as a loss, or even a good change which has created stress and feelings of regret or loss?

I know people who have fallen into despair with no trigger event, like the loss of a loved one, and their lives seem to be going completely right. Sometimes despair can come from wondering why you are not content even though things seem to be going well. This is not unusual. But more often despair at least starts with a negative, triggering event.

If you are experiencing several of these symptoms, or other forms of sadness and lack of motivation, you may be suffering from despair.

(Another disclaimer, these can be symptoms of clinical conditions, or side effects of medication, if you feel you have a medical condition, please consult a doctor.)

Now that you know you are experiencing despair, you can start working on it. Despair is one of the most insidious sins. (I will refer to despair as a sin for the remainder of the post - however you can fill in the blank if you are one of the aforementioned readers who feel this is a stretch.) While most sins seem to crop up more and more as you are trying to deal with them, and get in your way; Despair is unique because not only does it do that, but despair itself is a major roadblock to dealing with anything. The lack of motivation, energy, and willpower can make it very difficult to get started. And the lack of positive emotion can prevent the encouragement of positive feelings after small successes in the progression, which makes continuing the process very difficult.

That doesn't mean that this is an impossible task. You can do this. But more importantly, God can do this through you. God has been sitting there, watching, waiting for you to just ask for Him to do His part, He has wanted to help you all along, but you need to ask. And then you need to continuously allow Him in, because one of the most difficult parts of despair is that it seems to continuously shut us down and slam doors shut.  Revelation 3:20 says of God "Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me." (NASB) (For those of you who do not share my belief that Revelation is just as much about the current church as it is about a future church, see Luke 12:36 where we, God's servants, should eagerly await his knock and immediately let Him in)

Dealing with despair is a process which is mostly a three-pronged attack. One side is submerging yourself in God's love and surrounding yourself with Him. The second side is positive thinking and reinforcement, and the third part is accountability.

There are a lot of ways to submerge yourself in God. Consider instituting several of these things:

1.  Replace your secular driving music with Christian music, and use your drive to work as a chance to worship.
2.  Add a devotional to your life. There are some great one-minute devotionals which don't take up too much time (one minute of hope is great). But I would recommend being willing to dedicate some serious time to God as well. In fact, make that the goal. But start wherever you have to. The best amount of quiet time is the amount you'll do consistently (to start anyway).
3. Add a Bible study, youth group, prayer group, or an extra worship service to your busy schedule. Spending more time with God is good, and the additional Christian fellowship can be very helpful.
4. Spend more time talking to God. An extra five, ten, or fifteen minutes in prayer a day can make a world of difference. I recommend dividing this time into three parts. Spend half of the time not asking God for anything. Tell Him about your day, seek his thoughts on your Bible study or prayer group. Remember asking Him questions is not asking FOR anything. (This would include types of prayer called: thanksgiving, adoration, meditation and contemplation prayer, depending on the denomination)  Split the other half into a quarter asking Him for help or what you need (called supplication or petition, again depending on the denomination), and a quarter prayer on behalf of others (Intercession - this one has a pretty universal name). Spending time thinking of others' needs can be incredibly helpful. Of course don’t forget times of confessing to the Lord.
5. Consider removing secular influences that seem to affect your mood. One of my friends loves thriller movies, but when their mood tanked, removed them from their life until they knew they could handle it again. I love hard rock, but when I am in despair I tend to listen to it less. It's very fun when my mood is fine, but when I am sad it doesn't seem to do me any good.
6. Consider getting involved in helping others. A soup kitchen can be a great way to get perspective while helping others, or a ministry with cancer patients can surround you with people who are developing healthy coping methods for their own problems.
7. Start a prayer journal, talk to God, vent to God.

Positive Thinking sounds a lot like mumbo jumbo, and in some cases it is. It also falls very solidly under the “easier said than done” category. When I use the phrase I mean overcoming the instinct to view every glass as half-empty, an easy thing to do when filled with despair. When I say think positively, I merely mean to try to have a positive outlook on what you encounter. This can also include "counting your blessings." You will need to focus on the positive aspects of each event that happens to you, and focus on the positive events that happen to you even if they're small. Consider doing something like not allowing yourself to watch the TV show you want to watch until you can list 8 positive things that happened that day. When you do make progress, put post-its around the house reminding yourself of what you accomplished. Have a little party for yourself at dinner time, light a candle when it's not your birthday. Remember to stay positive and celebrate your accomplishments. Just don't forget to look at the positives and to also focus on how God has moved in our lives. This is often a lengthy process, although I pray it is not for you. It’s a process of chipping away a tiny bit at a time so that the negative thought comes ever so slightly less often, until it’s rare.

The third side I want to talk about is a part of any process to healing, and that's accountability. Make sure there is someone in your life who will hold you accountable for working toward this goal. Ask a good friend, get your family involved, ask a coworker to challenge you to think of your 8 positive things on your lunch break. Ask your pastor to call you twice a week. Engage with others and ask for help, make sure they know you are relying on them to call you on it if you don't try. Choose someone who is both firm and encouraging. That is the best way to keep going. And remember you are always accountable to God. Don't forget He is always there to help.