I am a part of Campus Crusade in my community. There are a group of Campus Crusade members who get together to pray over the Campus Crusade Syracuse University Region. The meeting also serves as a staging point to get people involved, a point where they make announcements, and information is spread and/or distributed.
It was only the second time I had attended this meeting, I'm going to call it Small Group, when one of my dear friends came with me. This dear friend's (forthwith called Debby) sister was a regular attender of the meeting (now Sally). Now I know Sally fairly well, and like her too. And while Sally attends the Small Group and is 100% up to date on everything in Campus Crusade, (and is a dedicated prayer warrior for the ministry) she is not involved in the leadership of either Campus Crusade or Small Group.
When we arrived at the meeting, it began with prayer. I personally struggle with praying aloud, but I will admit that there is something about praying together, something that makes you feel closer to God, something we all talk about but at least I feel less than I like. The feeling like the communication is now a conversation. At the end of prayer, I know I was in a good mood. Prayer went really well (by which I mean not the words that were spoken, but the love and the fiery passion for Christ with which they were spoken) and I suspect I was not the only person in the room who was feeling like this was, if not a mountaintop, at least a hilltop.
But when we began talking business, the team started talking about a ministry of Campus Crusade about which both Debby and I knew nothing. I looked to the leader of the Small Group to answer my questions, and Debby looked to Sally. When I asked questions to the leader of the group, they moved on, sending a look to Sally which I interpreted to mean "you're up to date, would you mind filling these two in?" When I turned to Sally, I found her desperately shushing her sister, in a stage whisper, "Shut up, don't interrupt, I'll tell you later!" Then she caught the leader's eye. It became clear to me that Sally had interpreted the look as "keep the newbies quiet." I truly hope that is not what the small group leader intended, but functionally they had reinforced Sally's desire to keep Debby from embarrassing her. In reality Sally was embarrassing herself by putting her own pride before both Sally and Debby's passion for the work Christ was doing through Campus Crusade. Not only that but Sally had just squelched both Debby and my ability to assist with this ministry.
Understand, my brother and I have been in ministries together. My brother when he was younger had a problem with authority. I was mortified more than once because he was talking back. I sometimes wanted to shake him for his tomfoolery. And I was his big sister, I am sure I must have mortified that poor young man more times than I would like to admit. But in my opinion there is a time and a place for familial intervention. So here are the responsibilities of family members who are in a ministry together.
1) Put God first no matter what. This applies to every part of life, your family should be high on your priority list, but nothing should be before God on that list. Matthew 6:33 (ESV) says "But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you."
2) Save familial issues for family time. Unless you are seeking the advice of your ministry or ministry leader, this time is about focusing on how to further God's plan.
3) Treat your family member like any other Christian brother. That is, admonish them in the same way you would a Christian Brother, in private first, before drawing in more brothers and sisters. Matthew 18:15-18 says "If your brother sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church..."
4) Do not give your family member special treatment. This is just common courtesy and respectful. If you are the Choir Director and your cousin really does have the best mezzo soprano in the choir for the Christmas solo, that's one thing. But make sure to pray and be sure you are honest with yourself.
Really, I could ramble on for days, but they will mostly fall under 1 and 3. If Sally had scooted over to Debby like she would have any of her other friends, and explained in Debby's ear what was going on, neither Sally nor Debby would have been embarrassed. But the reality is we shouldn't be fearing embarrassment, we should be boldly stepping out to further God's plan, and accomplish what he has called us to do.
I learned it wasn't my place to call my brother on his misbehavior, the leader would do so and my interruption would undermine the leader's authority and take even more time away from what God had called us to do. I am sure my brother learned quite a few tricks to prevent himself from strangling me, haha. But ultimately it boils down to this. Put God first, no matter what.
