A lot of times the topics chosen for these posts are things that have happened my life that have been reminders of the right way to do things, or have morphed into lessons. Then other times it's about what I believe God has put on my heart or something I have seen as a recurring theme, which I believe is sometimes something God has put in my way. This is one if those posts.
I have been surrounded by the concept of encouragement lately. It's been in every aspect of my life. We have even been learning about it in school recently. I know many places in my daily life where I have seen encouragement help, or where I see a need for it. I think we see it just a little too rarely these days.
Encouragement is seen throughout the Bible. Amazing Biblical characters were encouragers. Acts 15:32 (NLT) says "Then Judas and Silas, both being prophets, spoke at length to the believers, encouraging and strengthening their faith." Just about any one of Paul's letters contains a wonderful amount of encouragement. Many of these statements are famous, such as his encouragement to Timothy and all youth in the faith in Timothy 4:12(NIV) "Don't let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity." In fact, Timothy took this encouragement so intensely to heart that he was sent, in 1 Thessalonians 3:2, to encourage others. "We sent Timothy, who is our brother and God's fellow worker in spreading the gospel of Christ, to strengthen and encourage you in your faith" (1 Thessalonians 3:2).
And of course encouragement is encouraged (no pun intended) in many other verses as well, from 1 Thessalonians 4:18 which says "Therefore encourage each other with these words." To Hebrews 10:25, which points out that encouragement is one of the biggest reasons to seek Christian fellowship, saying "Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching."
Encouragement can have an unbelievable effect on others. Sometimes the effect one tiny bit of encouragement can have is beyond fathoming, snowballing out and spreading so that you would hardly even comprehend it's greatness. If you've ever seen the movie Pay it Forward, it is a similar concept. Pay it Forward is, in my mind, an excellent movie. Though not without its flaws and moral errors, the premise is this: a child plans a way that if he does x number of good deeds asking only that these people pay it forward, and each of those individuals does x number of good deeds, with the same request to pay it forward, eventually he could change the world. His teacher scoffs at him, but ultimately his dream does just that, spreading across the world and even saving lives. Encouragement can snowball out of control, and that is a good thing. Even a smile can change someone's day, and change how they interact with others. Romans 15:5 says "May the God who gives endurance and encouragement give you a spirit of unity among yourselves as you follow Christ Jesus."
Now I play on the varsity volleyball team at my school. The team is a perfect example of a lot of lack of encouragement, and some examples of good encouragement. As with any volleyball team we have some very competitive players on the team. Now, I am not one of those people who thinks winning doesn't matter. I love to win. But for me, the end does not justify the means. If you can't play or win right, and treat the other players right, then even if you "won" you didn't win. And of course there are some on my team who agree with me. I think every member of the team if they stopped to think about it would agree.
During a game, if we're losing or it's close, the ultra competitive players and often even the not-so competitive players get stressed out. This is common, it happens in every sport. And the character of a team is determined, in my opinion, by how they respond to this.
All players at some point make a mistake, it just happens. Since the fall, man is not perfect. So anyway, I've noticed that if someone (let's call her Player B...or how about Betsy) makes a mistake, then they get a negative response. Early in the game, if Betsy messed up, she would likely have received advice from the other players, even the competitive ones, or encouraging tips. Our team in general is full of women of great character who treat one another well. But if Betsy messes up when the game is close or if we're loosing, she will get one of three responses from the other players. One, (Player A, Annika) will glare (not especially constructive, but not too destructive either.) Two, Annika might say something thoughtless or poorly worded, usually with the intent to help, (such as "Stay in your spot!" or "Next time hustle Betsy!") and while these are not intended badly they tend to make Betsy even more nervous, leading to more mistakes. If Annika responded with a calm correction, or waited for the coach to say something, or didn't correct at all but encouraged Betsy to do it right, she would probably calm down and the odds of the next time going better would be increased. Or Three, Annika or Player C (Cassiopea) will yell across the court ordering Betsy around. This tends to make even the most timid player angry. While aggressive players can often play angry, the type of player who makes a nervous mistake is not very likely to respond to anger well. All three of these responses result in Betsy's playing getting worse and the team continuing to loose. In addition, Cassiopea and Annika's anger is misdirected. Each player on the team usually (and on our team always) has made a mistake by this point. Criticizing Betsy for her mistake because it is close now is insensitive when Annika missed her first serve and Cassiopea spiked it right to the other team's setter, who sent it back over.
Remember when I talked about how Jesus said to take the plank out of your own eye before bothering with the speck in another's? Of course correct members of your team. But Betsy almost always already knew what her mistake was. Telling it back to her in a rude manner doesn't help anyone. You could tell her what she did wrong nicely, but even better, tell her how to do it right, also nicely. In the situation where Betsy becomes angry, she sometimes makes angry comments to Player D or E (Desiree and Esmerelda) and they either make more mistakes or become angry. Ultimately it degrades the reaction of the team. Obviously this series of responses doesn't help the team. This occurs more than once usually until the whole team is disjointed and disgruntled and plays far worse. It can be stopped later on, if Betsy responds by peacefully forgetting the insult given them and moves on for the team, which is what should happen in a game. The fact is, the team is most important, but the most effective method is to not start the cycle at all.
Annika's whole attitude is wrong. Everyone makes mistakes, even them, probably just a minute ago too. They need to remember to simply correct the person in a kinder tone, not that hard really. It's also really important, if you want to correct someone, to remember to notice when they do right as well.
What I also really like though, is that we have some Desirees and Esmereldas on our team, who step up to Betsy and say, "Ignore her, yes you should stick to your position, but don't worry, your spike earlier was amazing, take a deep breath, I know you can do it!" I feel I should point out that Annika and Cassiopea aren't mean people, and if you caught them at the beginning of the game, they would probably be doing this as well. They are just letting their competitive streak get the better of them. I'm all for being competitive until it actually starts to make the team play worse. That's where I draw the line. There's smart competitive and there's dumb competitive.
Now I have felt God's calling to be an encourager this year. I have tried very hard to be an Esmerelda and a Desiree. During the games, I give a constant stream of compliments when someone has done right. That's really important, Betsy is more open to your suggestions if you notice what she did right as well. Also it is important not to correct someone if you know less than them, you could be wrong. With a constant stream of encouragement going, when someone makes a mistake, try something like "That hit had great power, if you snap your wrist a little more it might keep it in control a little better. Go for it, you've got this." it really depends on the person, but this can be so much more effective. Also remember, it is very important not to treat one player differently than any other. Giving a player more complements than another, especially unwarranted ones, is a chance to create frustration on a team as well.
This encouragement brings the whole team together, and when the team is visibly together, the community (from the concession worker to Annika's little brother cheering in the stands) comes together as well. Now this, of course, has been a metaphor. The team could be any group of people, a youth group, a senior class, a church family, or a sports team. It is very important to help a community come together through encouragement. Annika and Betsy both play better. This is obviously an example. And Annika is not always the same person in every game, and neither is Betsy, we all have off days. And every "player" responds differently. All I am saying is, take a little time out to encourage the people around you. And when you notice someone doing something "wrong" no matter when or where it is, think twice before you say something to ensure what you say will help the problem, not compound it!
"For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through endurance and the encouragement of the Scriptures we might have hope," Romans 15:4.
"And we urge you, brothers, warn those who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone. Make sure that nobody pays back wrong for wrong, but always try to be kind to each other and to everyone else," 1Thessalonians 5:13-14 .
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